I had one of the wisest men I've ever met tell me this week that there are two things that drive my personality...
Pride and fear.
Not exactly what I wanted to hear, or expected to hear based on the context of the conversation.
I went to this guy for guidance because both of those attributes seem to be taking a much more intense role in my life lately than they have been in the past. I'm at a place in my life right now where my love for others (and one person in particular) should be causing me to let go of both fear AND pride, but for some reason, I can't shake both of them, and they are attacking me with more fervor than ever before.
He told me, "Aaron, you're actions are plagued with pride because of the fact that you feel like you have control of this situation and that you can fix it with what wisdom you have, and you are living in fear because in the same breath you know you can't control the fact that you and her are a peice of wet clay. Where is the control in being a peice of wet clay ready to be molded by someone elses hands (Isaiah 29:16)? What we have here isn't a issue of fear, or an issue of pride, but an issue of you wanting to be in control. The thing about love (and in particular, my growing love for another person) is, that it does something that pride and fear CAN'T do; it calls and forces you to let go of control."
He then went on a long rant about grace. This was where I got lost, but I understood that this man had something profound that he was saying that I wasn't tying together yet. It wasn't until I got home later that I started to make some Christ exalting connections. It went something like this...
I am scared and prideful.
But really, I just want to be in control.
The only thing that will cause me to let go of my desire for control is love.
What creates more love in a man's heart than anything else in the universe?
grace.
This truth penetrated my heart unlike anything I have ever experienced. GRACE is the key to being able to love completely, because it gives a person a REASON to love completely. It all really does come back to the cross.
When Jesus gave his command in Matthew 22 to love God with all we have, it is a very lofty command that seems so out of reach. But, Jesus made it possible on the cross because it gave God a way to pour his grace on us, rather than his wrath.
So the cross allows grace, which creates love.
This is truly the greatest truth ever conceived by the will of God.
1 comment:
Wow...intense!! I think he was very insightful into your life. I say that because it sounds like he could have been talking to me instead and you and I are so similar.
It DOES all come back to the grace of God and what Jesus took for us on the cross. There is no condemnation when we can't DO good enough or CONTROL enough...He only asks that we still want Him and LOVE Him when He reserves His power and sovereignty for Himself. You're right...He gives us the grace to love Him more. As the lyrics of one of our favorite musicians' song says...
To us His Son He gave
And Son, You gave Your Spirit
Spirit, You gave Your Word, but
Your glory is your OWN.
You giving up your need to control glorifies God.
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